It happened again. Just needed one thing and time got away from us. We didn’t realize how late it was before we were already there. Wal Mart after 9:00 pm is an experience. It’s part circus , part hunger games and before you say not my monkeys not my circus, not it’s not. This circus belongs to big wigs at Wal Mart and we are all part of the show!!!
We just needed some snacks for some party. That went off without a hitch. Like super market sweep, we were on our game. Then I heard it. “Maybe we should just get some napkins.” She says. “Damnit” I mutter and off we go. But we didn’t need regular napkins. We needed pretty ones. So when we found them you wouldn’t believe what was on the end cap right by the napkins. Mirrors. Big mirrors with frames and they were on sale. And you know who likes big mirrors when they are on sale? Well apparently women who shop for pretty napkins. These circus owners are smart.
Ladies and gentlemen we are now at the physical challenge portion of our show. Todays challenge is an obstacle course. You must navigate your way to the self checkout line while carrying a 2 ft x 5 ft mirror. If you want to use your bonus round you can try for a double prize. The wife is about 5’1”. This means I have a mirror under each arm and we are headed to the checkout. These game makers are tough.
Luckily I have long arms. We make quick work of the walk to the checkout, easily avoiding the pajama pants people while passing by Sweat Pants Slow Poke. I safely set the mirrors down seeing victory. “We forgot the superglue!” Super glue that’s not victory that’s a Whammie!!
“Where’s the superglue?” “I-19” the kid watching self check out says. Seems legit so I sprint out. I zig zag through aisles avoiding carts, kids and collisions. I find I-19 and sure enough there is the super glue. All 119 varieties. I chose one with a small brush to avoid making a mess or gluing myself to something and head back to the front. I see the kid watching the self check point my way as he talks to another employee. It was at this point I knew, the game had changed. I hand the Brenna the glue and she tries to check out. The red light comes on and we all stop. I look at the kid and he says “sorry I can’t age verify I’m too young.” Foiled by superglue!!
The game is now let’s make a deal. The age verifier arrives and the game begins. “What is it doing? What am I supposed to do?” She screams at the screen. People are stoping to watch. I step back to let Brenna deal with this one. “You just need to verify my age so I can check out .” Brenna says calmly. “I need your ID!” the lady screams. “It’s saying declined. Where’s the alcohol? She squawks. “It not alcohol it’s super glue. It sayings declined because you hit decline age verification.” Brenna explains. I’m over laughing with the kid. I find out he’s not even a cashier they are just short handed . “ So you just stand up here and get yelled at then? Pretty much he says. More yelling at the monitor until Brenna says let’s try it with two transactions and hands me the glue. Cut throat move by Brenna but effective .
So facing the final boss level with my id ready, She grabs it and says “whatever” and punches some buttons. And just like that the game was over. We won. “Well I guess you didn’t need your ID” she says it was all for sh*ts and bananas.” “For what?” I ask. “You know for nothing. Sh*t and bananas. Or is it for sh*ts and jokes?” She says. Ding ding ding. I will take profanity phrases for $1,000 please. This phrase means to complete a task for no reason. “What is For sh*ts and giggles”. I can win this game .
We leave victorious but a bit befuddled. We arrive home and I get the mirrors to a safe spot. I come inside to see Brenna with the open bottle of super glue in her hand, which she then yells catch and tosses at me. Luckily I’m saved by my cat like reflexes. The glue bottle bounces across the floor harmlessly. “It’s completely dried up. Hard as a rock.” She says. Those game masters got us. Guess it was all for sh*ts and giggles or jokes and bananas. Or something.