It’s been 6 months since my last cleaning. I have the appointment card. I have dental insurance. I got the text reminder. I even filled out the online paperwork. It’s like I’m a real adult. Well almost. Under emergency contact I listed my wife. In the “relationship to patient” I put “the old ball and chain.” Not my fault. If they didn’t want wisecracks they should not give me leeway. I was even on time. Well within 3-5 mins at least. Close enough. So I don’t hate the dentist,l. I’m not scared of going to the dentist. Not scared of needles, or the drill. But it’s not a fun activity at times. But it’s necessary, it’s important and once its over, it feels good to have it done.

So you ever get those text messages that make you say oh s#*t. Two weeks ago I got one. Appointment reminder from the dentist. My first thought was “I’ve been flossing regularly, so this won’t be a big deal.” So throughout the day I went over my dental care of the past 6 months. I had gotten lazy over the last month. I had better step it up. Well maybe two months. Since the holidays. So Thanksgiving..ish. Maybe after Halloween. So that’s just a a few weeks. Like 15 or 16 so that means I had better start flossing a lot.

I spend next two weeks are spent flossing three times daily. Well maybe 7-10 days, twice a day. Well at least once a day. So the night before my appointment, I used like three or four of those toothpick flossy things. I also didn’t drink coffee that morning because coffee can cause tarter build up. So I was confident that I wouldn’t have anyissues. And by issues I mean the cleaning. But not at my current dentist or my hygienist. They are both great. But three dentists ago in another part of the state, I experienced a dental cleaning that was fueled by rage and a hatred for those who fail to floss. But I’m not scared or anything.

So I’m seated now in the dentist’s chair. I’m calm cool and confident because I’ve been flossing. The assistant comes in to do a quick polish but has to take my blood pressure first. Now I told you, I’m not scared or nervous but apparently my blood pressure is a bit high. I brush it off as just stress and being naturally high strung. She buys it, finishes up my polishing and tells me the hygienist will be right in. I feel my heart pounding. Must be something I ate. Because I’m not nervous or anything.

The hygienist comes in and takes a look. she is really a wonderfully kind lady. Takes a look and then asks “so have you been flossing regularly?” Now you just can’t lie to someone that is just so nice? “Yes . Yes I have.” Well I guess I can. But I only lied because I didn’t want to disappoint her. And maybe my last minute flossing was enough. “Well things look pretty good. But I do see a couple of problem spots.” I shrug in disbelief. I’m sticking to my story and she seems to be buying it. “Well let’s get you fixed up then.” As she reaches for the dreaded metal pick.

I then focused on my breathing, relaxed my mind and entered into a state of complete calm and total relaxation. I was no longer in the dentist chair but was in a quiet meadow on a warm spring day. Or I watched funny animal videos on TV while my hygienist cleaned up the couple of problem spots. Truthfully, there was at least three problem spots and one spot that I had missed completely, because it got extra attention. But I didn’t yell, bite or even swear. But how could I, with the pick in my mouth. But she was gentle and kind and made it as quick and painless as possible. She was nothing like the Sadist with a rusty hook that stabbed me in the gums for fun and profit years ago.

After she was finished we chatted about the normal dental stuff such as mouth guards and teeth grinding. She then slipped in the last question. “So you’re flossing daily? With floss?” She has me dead to rights. She knows the truth. Just admit it Cole. I try to stick to my story. “Well yeah. I do.” No response. “Well I do most of the time.” Still nothing. I fold like a house of cards under the interrogation and the intense pressure I have created in my head and with my negligent flossing. “Well I go through a lot of those little pick things with dental floss on them.” She smiles and says “ yeah I can see that. You need to use floss regularly and this will go easier next time, I promise.” She leaves and I don’t think she is even that mad, just disappointed. I will do better next time. I swear it!!

I sit and think about what I have done until the dentist comes in. And again, a bright and cheerful person. Not the stereotypical sociopath with a drill. Asks about any problems I may be having. No pain just one spot sensitive to cold. She takes a look, asks does this hurt? “No” Does this hurt? “No” Finally she says “I don’t see any issues but let me try this with some water and and air” and she grabs the little gun thing hits me with the air gun. “Is this sensitive?” And Sweet Moses she must have grabbed the wrong thing because I’m pretty sure that was a laser!!! I nod. “How about this?” Zap!!! Yep, still the laser gun you have there Doc!! Then she does something, tells me to grind my teeth, even though the hygienist said grinding is bad, but I comply. I don’t want to get the laser again. Then out of nowhere it’s all done. No pain. Everything is good. I get my final instructions, get my goody bag and head out. So once again I’m all clean and good to go. Remarkably no real discomfort and cold things aren’t an issue. It wasn’t that bad after all.

But I do have a few final thoughts to discuss. I got another text message asking for feedback from my dentist and the space given was not big enough for my answer. So I felt compelled to provide requested feedback and provide the entire course of events with back story. Here are the minor points which I feel could improve. 1. Not one person said they were proud of me for behaving at the dentist. Or that I was brave or anything. 2. I didn’t get a sucker or a sticker or bubblegum flavored toothpaste. I got nothing. And I didn’t even say bad words or bite. 3. I got a new toothbrush, but I didn’t get to pick out the color. Guess it was “you get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.” Maybe next time I will pitch a fit. Also for the record, I don’t like yellow. I feel I’m more of an autumn.

So apparently when you’re an adult you are just expected to do such things and not get rewarded. Well that also takes the fun out of things. So since I am an adult and can do whatever I want, this is what I had for my dinner.

And after dinner I went and bought some dental floss.