While I prefer to spend my time traveling to new places and eating breakfast, I do have to work to pay for these adventures. That’s where my career in real estate comes in. Real estate renovations, remodeling, rehab and renting. I’m a landlord and it’s always an adventure. If you’re thinking of jumping into the rental business, here are some things I’ve learned.

“Hey Cole sorry to bother you but there is a cat trapped in the cabinet.” “Umm, are you sure?”

Well they weren’t exactly sure but they knew something was hissing at them from inside the cabinet. Turns out it was a saber toothed road weasel. Not an official name but close enough.

The surprise move out. These are always good for a laugh. Ever wonder why someone would leave styrofoam cups everyone in their room? Well I will promise for sure that you don’t want the answer to that question. Some things are just better left a mystery.

The weather – who doesn’t like listening to the rain on a spring day with thunder rumbling in the distance? Who doesn’t like waking up to a newly fallen snow? I don’t. When I hear rain or thunder I hear opportunity knocking. But it’s an opportunity for a disaster. When I see snow, I see frozen pipes ruining my day. I have developed a formula to calculate the probability of an “call in issue” for each weather event.

Total units+downspouts+basements+ porches+room additions+chimneys=Whole units/W Then multiply by the extra factor or E. It’ 0.5 if it’s a week day or multiply by 3 if it’s a Friday or weekend. But don’t forget about temperature. So multiply by T which is under 50 degrees T is 5 over 70 multiply by 3. Right in the middle watch out for tornados. So Whole units X Extra factor X Temp or W*E*T=U or WET=U. You=WET. So don’t wear nice shoes. And don’t even get me started on trees. You think you have a limb down? Let’s take a look.

For sale, As is, fixer upper, fully furnished, contents included. What it says versus what it means. Here is a quick guide to keep in mind.

For Sale: Buyer beware! As is: we wrecked the place. Fixer Upper: we tried to remodel but we made it worse. Fully furnished:Leaving all our junk for you. Contents included: Hoarder. All Contents Included:Super Hoarder. Estate sale: Fully Furnished Historic Home with all contents included. Does need some TLC. Several out buildings with contents as well. Antiques, collectibles, tools and more! Motivated Sellers Won’t Last!: big old money pit house that belonged to our Crazy Uncle Ralph. All this junk has been dumped in our lap. We pulled out the few items of value. Please come give us some money to take this disaster off of our hands. Hurry before our Cousin Earl tries to move into the place and refuse to leave. Be prepared to deal with at least 11 cousins and their spouses who “aren’t worried about the money, they just want to do what’s right.” Remember it’s not about the money. It’s about the principal. The principal of money.

The wild card factor. You can’t prepare for everything in life and rental property amplifies that factor. Now it’s not always chaotic and disasters. At times it’s smooth and easy. It’s like a circus. Sometimes I’m the ringmaster and it’s the greatest show on earth. Other times in the circus the monkey’s can fly and throw rocks that are on fire. And the tent is leaking, and a pack of dogs is destroying the carpet. And the stove is burning the popcorn and the ice cream machine won’t freeze. And the heater broke in the penguin cage. And the lions have fleas. But no matter what, those are your monkeys and you made this circus, so when you’re looking for someone to blame, look in the mirror. But the mirror is broken and the mirror repairman has no showed you the last two weeks. Also they don’t make parts for your mirror anymore so you have to buy a new one. Enjoy the show!

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