I’ve often heard that you should never stop learning. Remain curious, remain hungry for knowledge. So in my marriage I’ve learned some fascinating things that would never have entered my head as a single guy. Its time I share this knowledge with others.

1. If you remodel your kitchen and have extra boards, how long should keep those in the garage? I don’t really know the answer but I know it’s longer then a year. I also know you should not use “that board she painted to go under the cabinets” to build a target to throw axes and knives. This is a bad idea. If you do this you will have to go find a replacement right away. Even if it’s during the KU game. It’s that important.

2. Proper planning and due diligence. This one applies in so many areas when you’re married or just dating but I’m going to give one example. Restaurant atmospheres can change depending on the time and day. A great spot for dinner at 6:00 pm on a Thursday, may not be the best choice to meet your future mother in law for the first time at 7:30 pm on a Friday. Because by 8:00 the atmosphere is more like a nightclub. And a nightclub isn’t exactly the best place to meet your future mother in law for the first time. Especially when she is more the conservative type that home schooled her eight children. Probably best to avoid mixing nightclubs and mother in laws in general. Keep those things separate. She was a good sport though and acted like this was a totally normal dinner choice!

3. The proposal. Technically not marriage but it’s related. As you all know I’m hilarious, so I planned to propose on April Fools day last year. So with the help of my good friend Rob, we planned five fake proposals before the actual official proposal. The first one went fine. The second was met with much less enthusiasm. The third was planned for after lunch. At noon Rob asked me how it was going and what the number of fake proposals that I thought I could get away with. “The limit is 2. No more .” “She doesn’t have the patience for another one?” He asked. “Definitely not. The second one tested the limit.” I said. He laughed and said “I figured so, but we had to know the limit.” So you can all see that men are always trying to learn new things. So for record the limit is 2 fake proposals. One fake proposal is really more then enough and it might be better to avoid fake proposing all together.

4. Some things you don’t need to know about a wife. You shouldn’t ask these things either. Or you should ask about them very carefully. Examples: You don’t need to know how many pairs of shoes she needs or actually has. You don’t need to know why she bought thirty-seven plants when there are twelve dead plants already at home. But it gets tricky. Sometimes you don’t need to know how much something has cost, you only need to be impressed with “how much she saved.” But wait there’s more. If she is cooking dinner it’s okay to ask “what’s for dinner?” It’s even better to ask “hey what smells so good?” However, if you see what she is making or if you should happen to open a pot, peer inside and say “what’s THAT?”

You’re going to have a bad time.

5. Holiday decor: How much is needed? All of it. How much is enough? More, the answer is always more. How many holidays are there that require decorations? Way more then I knew. I swear we could have a Hobby Lobby express store at our house. It’s like a regular Hobby Lobby but not as big. Only has the good things that match her taste in decor.

6. Funny quirks and eccentricities. I like my socks rolled in a certain way. That’s just weird. She makes shopping lists based on item location inside the store. That’s just being efficient. Truthfully though, I have lots of these quirks and she humors most of them. Let’s move on.

7. Interests, hobbies and topics of discussions. Her interests have become my interests. Like hiking and home remodeling and renovations. Currently our family business has five houses in different stages of renovation. Lucky for me there’s nothing I like better after working all day than to come home and do more work. Now my interests, like guns and grunge music and vintage T shirts, are not her interests. You would think that she would be interested in the fact that Stone Gossard and Jeff Ament were members of Green River long before they started the Pearl Jam. Especially since she has stolen my Green River T shirt. But she is not interested at all. And don’t even get me started about how she is unimpressed with my Pearl Jam shirt.

Well, since it’s Sunday you would think I would be spending the day tinkering with my toys and watching basketball. But you would be mistaken. I’m actually going to Home Depot to get flooring for a home project! I’m very excited. On the drive I was trying to explain the connection between Green River, Mother Love Bone, Chris Cornell and Pearl Jam. But she doesn’t seem very interested. She better think twice before trying to steal my Pearl Jam shirt.