Having a garage sale always seems like a good idea, doesn’t it? But for us it always brings about a roller coaster of emotions. First it’s excitement to get some things cleared out. Then it’s annoyance at some of the patrons, or hagglers. Then it’s frustration that I have all this stuff to begin with. At this point, all systems are aligning for the perfect storm of rage and sarcasm spewing forth from my mouth while my wife is just shaking her head. So here are the people you see at your garage sale.

The Sooners: If you start at 8:00, the Sooners will be there at 7:20. So be prepared. Don’t worry about prices not being set, they will ask. They will also find the stuff that’s priced too low. Usually they will be “on their way to work” and would just like to look real quick. So yesterday I checked their story. “So where do you ladies work?” I asked. “Oh we all work at ABC Inc.. we are all three supervisors.” “Oh why do you have to work on Saturdays?” “We had several calls in’s todays, so we are all stuck working”. “Do certain positions call in more then others?” I inquired. “This time is was Job 1 and 2 so we have to cook and serve meals.” Lady 2 told me. “Oh, how many will you cook for?” I asked. “About 110-115” she said. “What are you making?” “Meatloaf” lady 3 said. “That is a s#*t load of meat loaf.” I said. Then we all laughed and laughed. Except the wife. Ok these ladies were actually going to work. Or they had a great story and were prepared. Either way they deserve to get some good deals. And they were fun.

Captain Oblivious: this is the guy that is not aware of well really anything. Apparently he thinks because it’s a garage sale, he has the ok to wander around anywhere he wants like your garage, or drive his car in your lawn or wherever else he deems necessary. Caution: there are lots of these guys. This was the guy I spoke with early in the day. “Hey! Get out of my driveway.” Simple yet effective. The wife wasn’t impressed with my effectiveness though. However I should have posted a sign because there was another Captain Oblivious that arrived later in the day while I was inside. When I got back outside I was immediately stopped by the wife. “No” she said. “No what? I haven’t done anything.” I said. “Cole. No. Just no.” She responded. Anyone know what it’s like to be bullied by a home schooled kid? Always wanting you to play nice with others. It can be frustrating.

The hagglers: First off I will say, I love haggling. It’s fun and it’s part of the garage sale vibe. There are two types of this group. They are the “Would ya, Could ya” and the “I will’s.” Example: “how much is this? $10.00 “ would you take $8.00?” Perfectly acceptable, polite, follows social rules. Then the other side. “How much is this? $2.00. “I will pay $1.00” See it doesn’t feel right. So I had a gentleman that bought a few things and then asked “how much for the entire box?” “Oh how’s $25.00 sound?” I replied. “Could you take $20.00” he asked. “Sure and I will even help carry it to your car” I said. He also parked in the street like a normal human being. This is how it should go. But there was another haggler. “How much for this?” She asked. “That’s $2.00 I said. “I will give you $1.00 she announced and she thrust $1.00 at me. “No thanks”. I said and smiled. “Oh you just have to have $2.00?” As she dug in her purse. “No I don’t. Now I have to four bucks.” I said pleasantly. “You can’t raise the price.” She said. “Sure I can. You cut my price in half, so I doubled it.” “Well then. I will give you $2.00 but I’m not paying $4.00.” She says. So now I’ve made my point. There is no reason to take it any further. I should be a grown up, accept the $2.00 and move on. We all know that’s not going to happen. “No thank you, I will just keep it.” She sets it down and leaves. Another satisfied customer.

Little kid- big vocabulary: Now this kid turned things around. This kid walks up with his parents and looks at some roller skates. I’m over sitting by myself thinking about my earlier behavior giving off my best “stay away, DANGER” vibe. He walks right up on me and says “Would you believe that I am not very good at roller skating?” “No kidding, you fall down a lot?” I ask. “Quite frequently actually.” He says “is there anything else to look at in the garage for sale, perhaps up those stairs?” He asks pointing to my garage loft office. “Nothing up there is for sale so people aren’t allowed up there.” I say. “Understandable, I will continue to look out here then.” And walks off. He comes back with a puzzle/board game that has never been opened he found and is very excited. “I believe this is only $4.00!” I smile and say “would you believe that puzzle is $1.00 because you are so polite.” “Really? Wow that’s just terrific.” He says and hurries away. Nothing like being reminded to use kind words by a three year old.

The elephants in the room, or at the garage sale. Could be elephants, could be from outer space. Could be sent to earth by God to test everyone’s patience. They are the couple that only could be married to each other as no other two people on earth could stand the other one. These are the people that corner unsuspecting people in a grocery store for 20 minutes talking about their rash, their cat, weeds growing, a tooth ache or how the internet told them shadows will cause cancer and glaucoma. I had people hiding in my garage to avoid these yahoos. This couple was trying to grab other people’s stuff, looking in cars and almost came to blows with each other right in my driveway. “Scoot back you’re crowding me!” Sh3 screams. “I’m not crowding you I’m looking!!! He yells. She attempts to recreate how he crowded her and almost falls off the the driveway. I envision a lawsuit, but know better then to get in the middle of an argument that has been going on for at least 35 years. The only course of action is to disengage. Don’t quarrel with crazy. Words to live by.

The vultures- The last shoppers of the day. They know you are a weak point. They could take the lot for $20 or they might get it for free from the curb. They don’t get the best stuff but they get lots of stuff. And God bless them for it. I hold no ill will towards them. I only mention them so that demanding haggle lady knows I gave her stuff away for free. So there.

Finally there was a quiet unassuming lady who went through all the clothes late in the day picking out several things she wanted. Being late in the day , we gave her a discount and thanked her. What she also did was sort, fold and organize all the remaining clothes we had left after being scattered by everyone else. She didn’t expect anything in return. She didn’t ask for anything in return. She was just being nice. That’s what this world needs. Don’t do anything for the recognition, just do what seems right. Then for the rest of us, maybe stop focusing on the oblivious guy that parked in my driveway or the crazies crowding each other. Or even the rude lady looking for a deal or the sarcastic guy taking things too far to show her she’s wrong. Maybe if we all notice the quiet lady folding clothes in the back ground just to be nice, our world won’t seem like it’s so full of rude, oblivious, crazy or sarcastic people. Even when they are hilarious.